Prototype

A theater tech text book from the book shelf growing up (image 1 below) had a complete collection of illustrations: stage diagrams, set design and equipment, tools, etc. Good reference material (2). I focused on collecting the shop tools and - for safe keeping and digitizing - fixed them to Bristol (3). The contact sheet was scanned and then it sat in storage for a while. After some reflection on the process and materials, I printed the sheet, scaled to fit, on sticky back, to see how it worked (4). Although I liked the tightly packed drawings, the stickers were a real pain to cut out. So I drew and thought over it (5), and tested a layout idea. This one had too much blank space (6). I did another pass and adjusted the ratio of blank to drawn, accounted for the tolerance of hand cutting at the end, and considered the general composition (7). This is where the prototype ended up (8). The black strip is the edge of a craft paper backing to support the sticker sheets and also allow for hole punching (this was a happy accident). Now some of the stickers live on my notebook covers and a second prototype is beginning with original drawings.

Number 4 above happened around Christmas time and I shared them in our greeting cards. This one below traveled around Oakland with the postal service, twice, and never made it to its original destination. It has a home here though.

Reflections

Making these stickers was unquestionably fun. It made me think. It made me happy. I made something that is usable and shareable. I used new techniques and materials. This was a good project. But still, it sat. Like many other things here in the studio, it gets made and then goes into purgatory. Physically, on the shelf and in the digital file folder. Mentally, into the space where I knock myself out at the knees with severe imposter syndrome, engage in toxic comparison, and cycle through the reasons why it is not worthy.

But the reality is, the reasons why I like it and think it was successful, are enough. Especially in this journal space (which I keep reminding myself is for me). There will be more things made. There will be more things written. I think that developing a way to hold myself accountable may be a way to move through that paralyzing space with some more confidence and success. I hope so. So I’m trying this. And calming the feelings of ‘inevitable total failure’ with a salve of belief in iterative process.

Two positive important things for me to put on mental post it notes, in order of increasing importance, are that first, I am not alone in these feelings. I know, from watching many videos from artists and creators, from pouring over readings about creative process, from years of working in the design field, and from countless discussions with others (and myself), that these feelings of inadequacy and doubt are not my own singular ‘special’ experience, but are consistent with the challenges that many people face. And second, is that through this last year, I have been witness to my wife and partner consistently create and push out original and thoughtful writing, objects and media, as well as address head on these broad issues of creative blockage, work through personal topics, AND come out with clear positions and understandings that are helping her move through that paralyzing space with more sureness and agility.